Whether or Weather

Whether we choose to be affected by the weather depends a great deal on where we glean our perspectives.  Reality shows bring us life in Alaska or the desert or the ocean.  Many of us never get to go far from home and so the day to day drudgery of winter wears on those of us in the northeast.  I watch the weather forecast tell me that we are in for 8-12 inches of snow by morning and my joints tell me it is coming before it even drops a flake.

It begins at first as a fine mist almost rain like and then the white dots begin to appear.  It is fine droplets at first and then picks up in intensity and begins to blanket the ground with a fresh outlook.  Hour by hour goes by and I see outside my window the areas where my flowers bloomed covered in total white.  Knowing we are probably not going to get to work tomorrow I watch as my family gets out the snow machines in anticipation of fun rides on the mountains nearby.

As I get older I recall all the fun times I got out and did the very same things, snow angels, preparing for a fun day off to play in the snow and barely sleeping in anticipation of flying across the fields with the wind and cold.  Now my arthritic hands don’t work very well and my bones tell me it is time to watch from the window as my grandchildren do those very same things I used to do.  When they ask me to join them I fear going out and breaking something instead of havng the bravado of not caring and come what may.

So whether you choose to participate in the weather at large or watch from afar, life’s perspectives change over time and circumstances.  My heart says I am still twenty but my body says “oh no you are not!”

Friends from the heart.

Friends make us laugh until we cry and can raise our spirits like a kite on a windy day.  Two such friends come to mind that have done this for me.  I began this journey when I met a woman who shared her story with me about her life.  She was very genuine and honest in what she saw was a life in limbo.  Fast forward to years later and her life did change and turn around and she blossomed like a flower when she got back to her roots and closed a circle she had left undone years before.  This circle gave her light to her eyes and a smile on her heart.  It was of course and old flame from her school years who took her heart to new heights.

It is such fun to enjoy chatting, sharing and caring how things are going and before you know it, life keeps you so busy you drift from what fun there was.  Only to bring you back with a slap.  Not only is my friend sad again but that terrible sentence that health reasons for her and the love of her life are not good.  I went back to reconnect and find that life has beaten them both down.  Oh, they smile and make conversation but are fearful of letting any feelings in their hearts.  My heart breaks watching them struggle since the sunshine that once surrounded their souls is gone.  The grieving has begun in anticipation that one day it will be gone is coming too fast.

I have seen this all before in the patient’s I have cared for yet this time I question my faith.  I ask God “Why is this happening?”  They are such great people, friends, advocates of others and hard working.  How can things end like this by taking away all that was good, true and full of life.  I find myself closing off a room in my heart to keep memories dear.  Am I closing off that part to God because I don’t understand what journey he has for my friends?  Am I just angry that he is taking them so soon.  And now the guilt of why them and not others who don’t try to do his work.  My bible tells me to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.”  I have to lean on you now God to comfort me…help me as I walk to the end with my friends.  Help me keep a clear head and heart so I can enjoy what time is left.